New moms are not lonely and craving company. We have
company, a 7 pound eating and pooping monster who is attached to us about 23
hours of the day. So while we value our friends and family and appreciate the
love and attention it is not always wanted or needed.
What a new mom needs is sleep and food. We spend most of the
day in our robe covered in breast milk and vomit, the last thing we want to do
is shower and attempt to squeeze into presentable clothes to be reminded we
still don’t fit in 90% of them. Again, it’s not that we don’t love and appreciate
the love, help, and support but this is a time where a mommy needs to be
completely selfish and do what’s best for her for her own health (and sanity)
as well as for the health of the baby.
People who are not parents or those who have forgot how
difficult it is to be a new mom tend to romanticize it. A new mom is not sitting around all day
eating and rocking a sweet happy baby. For myself, I must cry or think I can’t
do this ten times a day. I’m tired, the laundry is piled high, I’m starving,
there is dog hair everywhere even though I vacuum every day, my three-year-old is
starved for attention and I feel guilty turning on another TV show promising
her I will come play with her as soon as I get the baby down. However, my
colicky one month old refuses to sleep unless he is in my arms which makes
getting anything done impossible.
So, a few helpful hints if you are going to visit a new mom.
Come when its convenient for her, not you. This would preferably be during the
time of day the baby is awake so that you can hold him while she gets some of the
things done on her checklist. If the baby is eating, give her some space and
depending on how close you are do some things around the house, run the vacuum,
let the dog out, switch over a load of laundry. Most women will say no its okay
I got it, but be insistent and help her out. Unless you get the feeling she
needs to vent or talk, urge her to take some time to herself or to go take a nap
and I guarantee she will gladly take you up on it.
My last tip, is to always bring food! We have no time to
prepare a good meal for our family so help us out and bring a casserole we can
throw in the oven to impress our starving husbands!
Check out these other sites for the Do’s and Don’ts of visiting
a new mom!
It's been over 25 years since I was the starving husband. Back then I left my job to spend 6 months with my son when he was born. That was one of the best things I ever did.
ReplyDeleteThat is so amazing you could do that! It is rare for a dad to get/take so much time off, your son is so lucky to have had that time with you.
DeleteI know it is tough now but I know that when I look back at all the amazing memories I was able to create and be here for, I will forget all the hard times!
Hello Taylor,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tips in your post! I don't have any children yet but I have a lot of friends that are new mommy's or mommy's to be! I will use these tips and hopefully make other mommy's happy!
Thank Samantha,
DeleteI am sure your mommy friends will appreciate anything you do!
Oh, this post speaks the truth!
ReplyDeleteLOL thank you!
DeleteMy baby is 22 years old. You just brought me back to the stress of being a new mom but it is a joy, too, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThe biggest joy in life.. it is the weirdest limbo where you love them so much you want to cry and then thinking you may not last another day. It's like the feeling where you are counting the hours until bedtime and then instantly missing them the second they fall asleep.
DeleteI do not have kids but I know it is not all rainbows and smile, its refreshing that you are honest about it and that it has its ups and downs. You sound like a great mom, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Claire, its true that it takes a village!
DeleteTaylor,
ReplyDeleteVery nice blog! You can tell you are speaking from the heart here! I do not have kids yet, but I am getting into that age bracket where friends and relatives will start having kids in the near future. So these tips on visiting were very informative!
You sound like a great mom! Keep up the good work! :)
- Connor